Patriot Games – Sorry for Gronking?
More than any other sporting competition in the world the NFL is home to athletes who have perfected the art of being loud, brash and living to excess
Men who can quite legitimately make use of the word ‘swag’ without sounding like try hard year 7 students psyching themselves up for an underage disco in a church basement.
Sitting atop the pile of the NFL’s Alpha males is a boy from Buffalo made good.
A man-child whose name is now both noun, verb and adjective.
A man known simply as the Gronk
Rob Gronkowski, the New England Patriots superstar tight end, is a caricature of a man seemingly lifted straight from a pulpy 1950s comic book. An advanced amalgam of every ‘bro’ and ‘jock’ stereotype ever concocted by a downtrodden script writer, Gronkowski is an all American lunkhead who along with being almost unstoppable on the gridiron possess male model good looks, exceptional comic timing and a heart of gold.
Which would usually give blokes a number of reasons to hate him.
But..no one does.
For all the blatant self promotion, ridiculous sound bites and hideous Zubaz pants, Robert and his bro-Gronk entourage have somehow become men of the people, a living breathing team of Duke Nukems that the world wants to invite to it’s next keg party.
A match made in NFL marketing heaven you would think…but there’s trouble in Gronkadise.
Whilst perhaps not bigger than the game, Rob Gronkowski is still pretty God damn big. The NFL being the behemoth it is can contain a luminary such as Gronk in their mix, but in Boston there’s been concerns that the perhaps the Gronk is getting to big for his back-to-front cap. Despite still nursing a broken arm from the season proper the annual Gronk offseason spectacular has show no signs of slowing down, with Gronkowski being again linked to everything from pornographic films to pizza parlor party pass-outs.
Considering the Super Bowl was barely two weeks ago, the fervour with which the star tight end has thrown himself into the offseason has been a bit of a shock, even for someone of Gronk’s reputation.
It’s pretty easy to imagine a tired looking Bill Belicheck shuffling down to breakfast and opening up his newspaper every morning and bellowing “GRON-KOW-SKI”! Like an over worked 70′s police chief when he reads the latest Gronk-gate
But… is Gronkowski’s high profile hyperactivity really that much of a problem?
To date his lifestyle has yet to affect his on-field performance, and to be fair the only thing that’s had him missing games has been controversial medical decisions by the Patriots themselves.
On top of this Gronkowsi has reached a level of performance that can not be replicated in his position by any other player in the league, something you can’t say for any of his teammates — even Tom Brady.
Simply, the Patriots need the Gronk a lot more than he needs them right now. And really, why would they ever want to change him? On a team that is generally reviled throughout the league for their win at all costs attitude, Gronkowski is an oasis of charisma and boyish charm sucking in the bandwagons to the Gronk nation.
— Tarah Maciel (@TarahMaciel) February 10, 2013
Sure he could probably tone it down a bit and be a little more demure in his dealings, but if a tank top saying ‘Sorry for Partying’ isn’t an acknowledgement of future restraint then I don’t know what is.
Players, hell, people like Rob Gronkowski don’t come around very often. He’s a runaway freight train in stupid pants, and the Patriots can either spend all season trying to stop him…or jump aboard the Gronk train and try to ride it all the way to the Super Bowl.
I know which one sounds like more fun to me.
Gronk on baby!